God Steers a Moving Ship

When our pastor asks for volunteers, he always ends his plea with this statement: "Don't worry if this is what you truly want to do. Don't worry if this is what you will truly be good at. Just pick an area where you can serve the Lord and get started. God steers a moving ship!"

In other words: get off your tush, stop over-analyzing, don't look for excuses and do something - anything - to give the Lord the momentum he needs to guide you.

It is all too easy to take Paul's explanation of salvation (you know, it it not by your works but by God's grace that you will be saved) as the ultimate rationale to not do anything at all. The way I look at, it is only a question of order: it is not my work that got me saved, but it is my salvation that gives me the desire - and obligation - to do the work.

Like falling in love. As soon as you are in a relationship with someone, you can't stop talking about the man of your dreams. But talking about him non-stop before you are in a relationship will not get you anywhere, in fact, it may just scare him off. And if you are in a relationship with the person you love, and you do not feel the need to talk about him non-stop, something is terribly wrong. That ain't love!

So, I am getting off my tush. I am putting myself out there with this blog, fully realizing that my writing may never make the least bit of difference in anybody else's life but my own. At least I am moving, only God knows where it will take me.

Lord,

there are so many ways to spread your word and share your love. Let me find them all!

Amen

God' Will

I wonder how often God must shudder when we claim to be doing his will. No, God does not want you to find self-fulfillment in an affair. And no, God does not want you to find happiness if it means walking all over somebody else. "God's will" is not a free-for-all to cover egoism!

Before you announce God's wishes for your life, you had better know your Bible inside and out. You had better know his rules, expectations, and commands before you go on to knowing his will! Because, guess what, God will only back you up if you are following his Word. He will always love you; he will not always bless you, and that is a huge difference.

Unfortunately, the opposite is just as dangerous: not seeking God's will makes you a dull and useless tool in God's shed. Knowing God better, having a close relationship with him, finding and following his plan should be the ultimate goal in your life as a Christian.

I am trying to find the balance in between. I try to be sensitive to the things that seem to be pulling on my heartstrings. Then, with my limited but expanding Bible knowledge I try to determine whether it could possibly be God doing all that pulling. And then I pray, and I pray, and I pray some more. Whatever comes out of that, action or inaction, I have yet to declare a decision I make to be "God's will". In hindsight, maybe. Looking back at the turns of my life I easily see God's plan at work. Looking forward, however, I can only muster a "I pray it's God's will". The announcement of "this is God's will" is still too tall an order for me. But how I envy the believers who not only know God's plan but follow it!

Dear Lord,

A lot of hardship and pain has been caused "in your name". I ask you, please, keep me humble enough to never fall into that trap. But Lord, make me determined enough to seek your will for me. And once I find it, give me the confidence and faith to proudly announce to the world: "This is what God asks me to do!" I am looking forward to that moment. Until then, please stay with me, be patient with me, and bless the little steps I take.

Amen

1 - 2 -3

1 – 2 – 3, A – B – C, morning – noon – night… how hard can it be to keep 3 simple things in order?

God – Husband – Children, there is no other way, no exception, no room to wiggle. Get it wrong and your entire life will fall apart. You think that is exaggerated? Trust me! Try dancing the tango with somebody who counts 2 – 3 -1; try finding a number in a phone book that doesn’t follow A – B – C. It can’t be done, and if you try you will only get hurt and frustrated.

I get the God Above All rule. That is a truth I won’t mess with. But the husband – children order seems all too negotiable in my life. It seems that mothers worry more than wives do. I pray for my children more than I do for my husband. I define myself more through my children than through my husband. I take part in my children’s lives, but I barely stick a toe into my husband’s.

One should state the obvious at this point: without my husband I would not be the mother of my children. I’d have another set of children, maybe, but not the specific and unbelievable ones that I have now. God juggled three continents for the two of us to be together. He wanted us to have the boys that we have, and he is counting on the both of us to bring them up according to his plan.

But my husband is so much more than the father of my children. He was there long before they were. God willing, he will be there long after they have grown (now there is something worth praying for!). He is my other half. He is the one person I love and trust more than any other. He is a gift from God, one that has FRAGILE printed on one side and PRECIOUS CARGO on the other.

I am going to stop now. This is, after all, a blog that is accessible to the world, theoretically. One never knows how fast my reader base of 3 will spread.

One often hears that children are supposed to strengthen a marriage. But they cannot, nor should they. They rely on their parents to be strong for them, not the other way around. They rely on their parents to keep them safe and secure. The only way I know how to do that is if my husband and I ourselves stand on solid ground. And, you guessed it, the only way we have solid footing is if we rely on God first and on each other second.

No prayer to end this blog. This is sentimental enough as it is.

A Glimpse of Hell

I saw a glimpse of hell last week. Not the fire and brimstone kind but the cold, silent kind. To think that it took me seven long days to figure out what was pushing me deeper and deeper into misery.

At least I wasn’t lonely. I had dragged my entire family down with me, finding fault with every word and every look. If they were close, they were crowding me out. If they were busy somewhere else, they were ignoring me.

Is that what depression looks like? This feeling of not having any energy, no fire burning, arms and legs too heavy to move, sadness and hurt within every inch of me? I almost wanted it to be depression. Surly they have pills for that.

And then I realized, during a half-hearted prayer, that the thing missing during my week from hell was GOD. No wonder some scholars define hell as the mere absence of God. They are so right!

God let me have my way last week. I was too tired for devotions in the morning, too busy driving the boys around during the day, too much of a martyr preparing dinner at night. And he just waited, patiently and lovingly, probably wondering how a child of his could be so dense and unperceptive.

What a waste of precious time! What a lesson learned! And what a relief that God waited for me!

Dear Lord.

How much I love you. And how sorry I am for forgetting about you. Please forgive me! Keep me close, Lord. Let your light show in my life and never, ever, let me fall into darkness again. Give my husband and my boys a heart big enough to forgive their Mom. Thank you for a new day. And just like the sun, let me radiate Your light and warmth on my world.

... and just to make sure I really get it, God sent my little boy back to me from camp alight with faith and love. It is so simple: darkness without God, light and warmth with him. Please, Lord, let me remember that the next time my world seems to fall apart.